And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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