I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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