I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize