Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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