4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
