you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
