I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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