wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
