My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
