we have pet lesbian snakes
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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