You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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