I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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