I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
