We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
