Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
