How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Panties = found
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
