sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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