Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
