Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
