the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
