i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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