Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
