am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
