Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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