Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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