ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
