His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Holy shit dude........stairs
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
