When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
