Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
