I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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