so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
