I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
