everyone is single if you try hard enough
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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