Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
