i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
