my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
