her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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