you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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