my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
