those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
