it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
