i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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