There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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