Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
