seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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