therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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