and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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