You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize