She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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