someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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