I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize