Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
