you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
