I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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