I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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