Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I could fuck to npr.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
