using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm really busy with my period
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