dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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