if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize