I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
