sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
