Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
