just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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