Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
