I cannot find my penis.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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