Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just found a bag of teeth...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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