After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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